...
You might try then, as I did, to
find a sky so full of stars it will blind you again. Only no sky can blind
you now. Even with all that iridescent magic up there, your eye will no
longer linger on the light, it will no longer trace constellations.
You'll care only about the darkness and you'll watch it for hours, for
days, maybe even for years, trying in vain to believe you're some kind
of indispensable, universe-appointed sentinel, as if just by looking you
could actually keep it all at bay. It will get so bad you'll be afraid
to look away, you'll be afraid to sleep.
Then no matter where you are, in a crowded restaurant or on some desolate street or even in the comforts of your own home, you'll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You'll stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived denials, whether deliberate or unconscious. And then for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you've got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, buried in the nameless black of a name.
And then the nightmares will begin.”
Then no matter where you are, in a crowded restaurant or on some desolate street or even in the comforts of your own home, you'll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You'll stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived denials, whether deliberate or unconscious. And then for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you've got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, buried in the nameless black of a name.
And then the nightmares will begin.”
-Mark D. Danielewski House of Leaves
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