Chains of Thought

Today was one of those days. When I got home I couldn't stop wanting to cry. Just how many chains from my past must I break to live in the present? When can I stop living in the future plagued by the past? I think too much. I know this, but somehow it's not something I can really stop that easily. It's not thinking that's the problem; it's the way the thoughts build themselves. Mine tend to build themselves in chains. I keep learning, and struggling, and freeing myself of a few at a time; it's getting to be exhausting. Five years is a long time. And I keep tripping over the broken pieces on the floor, like an idiot. Chained, like a beast. There's always another story. There's always another reality. There's always another perception. Just waiting to break open. Just waiting to shatter. So tired.

Unfortunate? Accident

Someone had a little unfortunate accident. And now they're all pessimistic, bringing it up constantly without being asked, and blaming everyone else. Quite frankly, it's annoying. Why can't they view it from another perspective, and see that they're actually fortunate? Or just drop it, and not bug me any longer.

Half-Closed

I run around with my eyes half-closed. Or perhaps an optimist would say half-open, but they are all full of crap. Truthfully, it depends on what happens. For example, if you are filling a glass, you say it is half-full. If you are drinking it, then it's half-empty. It all depends on the action you, or something/someone else is doing. If I hold my eyes half-closed, than means I am going to close them. If I hold my eyes half-open, that probably means I'm going to open them. Of course, I could always change my mind half-way through. Change the wording. Change the action.

Pessimistic

Somehow whenever I start being even a little bit optimistic, something bad happens to throw it off. I wonder if that's why I'm always been so pessimistic.